Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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