its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
