Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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