She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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