update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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