does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
its not stalking. its research.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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