i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
How's work?
Spinning.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
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