i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
