So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
