Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
