you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
