i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
