are you still at the devil's house?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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