Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
