You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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