How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
