I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
