He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
