He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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