Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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