I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
