I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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