Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
