I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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