fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
