I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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