at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He passed out mid-signature
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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