Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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