full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
