Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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