i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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