I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
