omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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