he wants to bone in the snuggie
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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