sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
