Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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