he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
