Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Who died my cat blue again?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
