There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
