he was CRYING into my vagina
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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