i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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