I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
