Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
