This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
