something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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