i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
