i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
