At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
How naked do you want me to be?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
