I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize