Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
