theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize