youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
