so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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