My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My dick has a subreddit
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
