Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
