The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
two words: eviction party
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
