Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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