I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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