Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
