she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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