i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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