Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
