Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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