I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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