So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I am mentally ready for anal.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize