i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
