I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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