i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
